Fathers' Day Recipe

While trying to clean out years of accumulated papers in my home office, I came across a little story about my paternal grandfather and grandmother that appeared in the New York Daily News on the occasion of their 63rd wedding anniversary back in 1972. I thought it might be appropriate to post it as Fathers's Day approaches.

My mother died when I was only eleven and I and my two younger brothers then moved next door to live with our grandparents. BaBa, my grandfather, was 70 at the time and NaNa, my grandmother, just 58. I never could have realized how difficult this invasion must have been for them, and they never made us feel unwelcome or unwanted. Although the article speaks of wedded bliss, the death of my mother and the subsequent plight of their son, was just one of the many hardships and trials they had to endure during their long life. Nevertheless, the article is basically correct in its description of their long love affair. Among their many recipes, they did find the recipe for success as husband and wife, father and mother, and grandfather and grandmother.


Bernard Rabin, They Still Add Chapters to a 63- Year Love Story. NY Daily News, Wednesday, October 11, 1972, p. 47.

Take a lot of love and affection, mix it with mutual respect, add a generous dose of humility, sprinkle with humor and you have the prefect recipe for 63 years of wedded bliss.

“It seems like yesterday,” said a proud Joseph DeStefano, 92, of 49-13 69th St. , Woodside, as he kissed his beaming wife, Maria, 81. “We were married on Oct. 10, 1909, by Father John Milo in St. Mark’s R.C. Church, Bronx, and the day was just as beautiful as this day is.”

Their love story, Mrs. DeStefano recalled, began in their hometown, Agerola, a small village near Naples. They knew each other as children. When DeStefano came to the United States in 1896, they were separated but did not forget each other.

In the summer of 1909, DeStefano, then living in East Harlem, came to visit a former Agerola neighbor, who had two teenage daughters. His object was to meet and possibly court one of the daughters. But, unknown to him, Maria had come from Italy and was staying with the neighbor.

“No sooner did we meet again,” said Mrs. DeStefano, “than he told me he wanted to marry me. I had other boyfriends, but he insisted. In fact, he sent his mother to me that night with a huge basket of fruit and with a message that his intentions were honorable. “

“He said he’d give me three months to make up my mind and that he’d see me once a week. Instead, he came to my house every night, and before three months were up, I not only said I would marry him, but I did.”

Fruit and vegetable store owners for most of their married life, the DeStefano’s bought their present home in 1928. There they raised two daughters and a son, who in turn gave them five grandchildren.

Now retired and in good health, the couple spend their time watching television, gardening, baking, cooking favorite Old-World dishes and visiting their grandchildren.

Looking back on their 63 years together, the couple, holding hands said: We’re still lovebirds.” 


###

Fathers' Day 2018

A look at the index of labels to the right of this page will show that I have posted little observations of Fathers’ day over the past years. I have tended to use examples from films to illustrate but this year I thought of a real father. Don’t worry, I’m not going to speak about myself.

I would like to remember a friend who passed away a few years ago. Everyone called him Ted although Theodore, which coincidentally means God’s gift, was his real name. He was a small, unassuming, and quiet spoken man who rarely talked about himself but he was one of the most giving men I have ever known.

Ted was an avid gardener and wine maker but by profession he was a master electrician who worked at his trade right until his final illness struck. My wife and I originally met him in an Italian language class but he subsequently became a friend as well as our electrician. I will never forget the night our electricity went out during a violent ice storm. Ted came to the house, climbed a ladder, and repaired a broken power line in the midst of the storm.

The only problem we ever had with Ted was that he was always reluctant to accept payment from friends. There was a large crowd in the church at his funeral and I’m sure that most had also been the recipients of Ted’s generosity. Ted will never be canonized as a saint, but he was one of the multitude of ordinary men who loved their families, their church, and their country.

It was only at his funeral that I realized what a devoted husband and father he had been. At the wake, I saw an old black and white marriage photo. Ted, who served in World War II, was in uniform next to his young Italian war bride who had sewn her beautiful white wedding gown out of Ted’s parachute. I never met his wife because she died shortly before I met Ted, but I know that he loved her until the day he died. They had four or five children and all were there at the funeral with a number of grandchildren. One of the grandchildren gave a brief eulogy in which he described all the things his grandfather had taught him.  

Ted was not big and brawny but he struck me as a real man, a man of great courage and strength. I believe that his generosity towards us sprang not just from his faith, but also from his dedication as a husband and father. It takes real courage to be a father. It takes real courage to make a commitment to give up your own wants in order to live for your wife and children. Someone once said that the best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother.

In today’s world fatherhood is much maligned. TV shows depict fathers as bumbling idiots. Even commercials usually depict fathers who can’t get anything right. But it is very important that we do all we can to support those who have accepted the challenge. Here is a little prayer for fathers.

Our Father in Heaven, we thank you for all the fathers on earth who,

            like St. Joseph, accept the responsibility to care for and love their children.

            May you strengthen them with the kindness, patience and wisdom they need

            to encourage and guide their children.

            May they be supported by a steadfast wife, a caring family and good friends.

            Most of all, may they know that you and you alone are the source of all that is

            good and truly valuable in this world.

###

Father's Day 2017

Today is Father's Day in America and the TV listings indicate that a number of favorite films depicting fathers will be aired. The relationship between a father and his children is one of the most frequently used themes in world literature and drama. 

We find it in ancient epic poems like the Odyssey and the Aeneid. Jesus dealt with if in the famous parable of the Prodigal Son. Shakespeare Hamlet is based on the hero's loss of his father, and King Lear explores the relationship of a father with his three daughters. Dostoyevsky's great novel "the Brothers Karamazov" is all about a father and his sons.

One of my favorite depictions of the relationship of a father and his son is in the great Italian classic, Pinocchio, written in the late nineteenth century by Carlo Collodi. It immediately became a huge hit in Italy and its worldwide popularity continues to the present day. In the story the father, the carpenter Gepetto, actually carves a puppet out of wood although it is a very unusual piece of wood that seems to have a mind of its own.The bachelor carpenter views the puppet as his own son but almost immediately the son takes off on a series of wild adventures.

About fifteen years ago Roberto Benign, the great Italian comedian, directed his own version of the story that far exceeded the older Disney version. It was a  huge hit in Italy but was not well received in America. Critics panned it and it was not helped by a dubbed version that could not include Benign's great comic voice.

Maybe the American public couldn't stomach a Pinocchio that was so far removed from Disney's darling little puppet boy. After all, Carlo Collodi's original Pinocchio is the Italian Huck Finn. He is an impudent, mischievous rascal who refuses to be tamed or civilized and can never stay out of trouble no matter whom he betrays or hurts. On his first day after being fashioned into a puppet, Pinocchio runs away from home, gets Gepetto thrown into jail, and smashes a pedantic little cricket (Disney's famous Jiminy Cricket) with a hammer for presuming to give him good advice.

Fortunately, this great film is available on DVD or youtube but it is important to view the original Italian language version with subtitles. I 've watched the Italian version with grandchildren and they loved it. I’ve shown it to groups of educated seniors and they’ve loved it. 

The touching reunion of father and son is one of the highlights of the film. Here is a link to a brief video of their reunion. Pinocchio has just been swallowed by a huge fish and discovers that  Gepetto has also been swallowed while searching for his wayward and long lost son. Or see below for the clip.

###

Fathers' Day 2016

Today is Fathers' Day in the USA.

A boy asked his father for help with his homework. "Dad, what's a parasite?' The father answered, "someone who lives in Paris." Then, the boy asked, "what's Malaria?' The father answered, "Oh, Malaria is a country in Africa." The boy said, "gee, thanks Dad, I hope you don't mind me asking you all these questions," and the father replied, "Son, how else are you going to learn, if you don't ask questions." 

Seriously, is there any more difficult job than the one faced by fathers today? On this day our society pays lip service to fathers but on every other day they are mocked and vilified. Everywhere around us we see men abandoning, and abusing their children, and even urging that their children be aborted. Let's pray today that fathers will deny themselves, and take up their cross and do their work.


Here is a little prayer for fathers;


Our Father in Heaven, we thank you for all the fathers on earth who,
like St. Joseph, accept the responsibility to care for and love their children.
May you strengthen them with the kindness, patience and wisdom they need
to encourage and guide their children.
May they be supported by a steadfast wife, a caring family and good friends.
Most of all, may they know that you and you alone are the source of all that is
good and truly valuable in this world.



"For what does it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, but ruin or lose himself?

Happy Father's Day to my sons and sons-in-law.

###
 

Father's Day

Today is Fathers Day. Is there any more difficult job than the one faced by fathers today? On this day our society pays lip service to fathers but on every other day they are mocked and vilified. Everywhere around us we see men abandoning, and abusing their children, and even urging that their children be aborted. Let's pray today that fathers will deny themselves, and take up their cross and do their work.

Here is a little prayer for fathers;

            Our Father in Heaven, we thank you for all the fathers on earth who,

            like St. Joseph, accept the responsibility to care for and love their children.

            May you strengthen them with the kindness, patience and wisdom they need

            to encourage and guide their children.

            May they be supported by a steadfast wife, a caring family and good friends.

            Most of all, may they know that you and you alone are the source of all that is

            good and truly valuable in this world.

 "For what does it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, but ruin or lose himself?


###