Forgiveness

  

 

I did not choose to watch the memorial service for Charlie Kirk because I did not want to be reminded of the murder of that young man.  Even though I had never heard of Charlie Kirk before the day he was shot by a sniper, the shooting filled me with such horror and revulsion that I could not bear to follow the story. 

However, I did hear that Erika Kirk appeared at the memorial service and forgave her husband’s killer before a crowd of 100,000 and a national television audience. It was a magnanimous gesture on her part but one that led me to contemplate the nature of forgiveness.

Charlie and Erika Kirk are Christians and I’m sure that in her grief she was following the words of Jesus to forgive your enemies. But over two millennia Christianity has developed a way of dealing with forgiveness that is still relevant today.

I learned it in grade school at St. Mary Help of Christians in New York city. It had to do with the now almost forgotten sacrament of Penance. As children we learned that three things were required for our sins or wrongdoings to be forgiven.

First, we had to be sincerely sorry for what we had done before we could even ask for forgiveness. Second, we had to resolve to not do it again. We had to have, what was called then, a firm purpose of amendment. Only then, could we be forgiven.

Even after we were forgiven, there was one final step. We had to do penance or repair the damage that we had done. I know that as children, the penance was trivial just as our childhood sins were trivial. The priest in confession would usually just ask us to say some prayers, usually five Our Fathers and five Hail Marys.

Now in my old age I realize that this simple formula can work whether you are Catholic or not. The teaching of the nuns contained a universal truth. In order to gain forgiveness when we offend or hurt someone, we must begin by saying that we are truly sorry for what we have done and promise that we will try to avoid doing it again. Then, the offended party can offer forgiveness, but even after we have been forgiven, we still must repair the damage we have done.

Here's an example from childhood. You break a neighbor’s window. You say you’re sorry and promise you will try not to do it again. He forgives you, but you still must find a way to repair the damage you have done. You must pay a penalty or do what used to be called penance. 

There is no sign as yet that Charlie Kirk’s murderer has shown any sign of sorrow or repentance for what he has done. So far, there seems to be no “firm purpose of amendment,” no sign that he would not do it again if given the opportunity. There is no sign that he would not kill Erika or her children. Nevertheless, her faith is so strong that she offers forgiveness.

Even if he is forgiven, what can the killer possibly do by way of penance? What can he do to repair the damage he has done to Charlie, Erika, their children, and their families? How will he ever repair the damage he has done to his own family? It is so sad. Even if he is given the death penalty, how can that come close to repairing the damage?

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